My oldest daughter has turned 14 years old. On the horizon I see an inevitable moment: sooner rather than later she will come home with a boy she will call her boyfriend. I understand that social conventions require you to exchange words with the person your daughter calls her boyfriend. And experience tells me that 99% of the people who know me choose football as an obvious topic of conversation.
There lies the danger. I sense that everything can get complicated there. Because I am ready for my daughter to become an adult, but I am not prepared to open the door and have a kid appear who contradicts me and questions my basic football principles. So you won't enter the house until you read my complete works. Listening to all my podcasts will also be mandatory. You may have to pass VAR exams, Xavi Hernández, Bordalás and other tricky and delicate topics.
The former FC Barcelona coach, Xavi Hernández. / EFE
I assume, obviously, that he has no fucking idea about football, although he will think the opposite, also obviously. It is quite likely, pure statistics, that he has insulted me on Twitter at some point, so he can delete tweets just in case. Yesterday I read in a headline that the Government of the United States of America will ask Spanish tourists to provide the history of their social networks for the last five years. I can see myself at the airport explaining the meme Buyako Saka.
(Agent, I already know that the Arsenal footballer's name is Bukayo Saka, but the meme is a very big Buyo, the Madrid goalkeeper, Buyako, taking a shot from the goal: Buyako Saka. Do you understand?)
I hope, it would be the least, that my daughter's future partner understands the Buyako Saka meme.
Now that I think about it, perhaps the United States Government is giving me the solution to this case. Maybe at home we should ask for the last five years' social media history of the person my daughter will call her boyfriend. This way I would have compelling evidence to position myself.
My advice would be endorsed by justice: this boy suits you because he defended Benzema when the others asked to play Chicharito o Morata; With this one you don't even think that he is a fan of Ivan Alejo; This other guy retweeted a column I wrote in 2022, so perfect.
Marc Cucurella, Chelsea footballer, after the victory against Barça at Stamford Bridge. /afp7
It may also happen that the boy called boyfriend is a footballer. On. I'm sure that my daughter, famous for her phrase 'Dad, football is stupid', from a few years ago, that in November I told her that she had to come to a game at half past six and she asked 'in the morning or in the afternoon', I'm sure that my daughter is suddenly very interested in football, and boasts about the seniority of the season ticket that I've been paying for for 14 years and never uses.
And when that happens, and you go see him play, maybe the boy called boyfriend will dedicate a goal to you. And that kid, if he has done his homework and has read this column, will know the Marc Cucurella. The Chelsea full-back told Informe + that he celebrates goals by imitating a penguin because he read that penguins choose a partner and do not change, they are happy all their lives. He told his girlfriend about it and now he does that little dance, which his children also like. So, come on, play the penguin. And so friends.
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